A friend recently asked me what is the most challenging misperception that we all face on our personal growth journeys.  I quickly responded with this: “Most people want to change their lives without changing themselves first. They want to change their movie without changing their film and this is impossible.”  I explained further:  ”Most people want to change their lives without changing their thoughts. More specifically- their negative thinking patterns. ” This is clearly impossible in the long run, and is equivalent to trying to change the puppet without first consulting the puppeteer.   This is often called the “power of the subconcious mind.”    Sigmund Freud once said that the purpose of psychotherapy was to make the unconscious conscious because he understood its power, long before many did.   We often do not, and as a result are not aware of the below-the-surface film that is producing the movie titled “My Life.”    

     I recently saw a client in my office that told me that she seemed to always attract the “wrong” men. They all seemed unable to have an intimate relationship, and to not know how to properly treat a woman. After some discussion I helped her see that although what she was saying was true- that she attracted a certain kind of guy- there was also a deeper truth that on some level she was attracted to a certain kind of guy.   And that even if she were to force herself to date men different than the emotionally distant and insensitive ones that she was used to dating, she would probably either find herself uninterested or sabotaging the relationship because, as counterintuitive as it may seem, she was out of her comfort level.    What is she to do then?

I explained to her that before she tries to change the men that she naturally attracted into her life- which I likened to a movie screen- she had to change the film going into the projector first. That “film” contains her thoughts, emotional programming, and misguided beliefs. In other words, she would eventually have to change from the inside-out. So, as her Life Coach, my job was to actually start with the outside or the “movie”. I gave her an exercise to help her clarify what she wanted in a partner because I knew that if she just focused on what she did not want then she would attract and produce more of it. This helped her become clear on what it was she exactly wanted in an intimate partner- physical, personality,and character traits that were important to her. She could also become more learned in spotting “red flags” when meeting men. I told her that all of these methods were great that she were learning, but then I explained to her my “beach ball” analogy, from Dr. Dan Neuharth:  When you put a beachball underwater it will eventually come up. It cannot stay down. The same thing is true with your thinking patterns. We can change on the “outside” our behavioral tendencies, but until we go deeper and work on changing the thoughts that were causing the negative tendencies, they are going to pop back up - like the beach ball, usually unexpectedly, and we will, in time, create the same emotional dramas, “movies”, and self-sabotaging patterns in different places and different “theaters.”  Of course, as said earlier this does not mean we do not change our behavior.  For example, we should not say that we are going to eat junk good until we learn to train our thoughts not to want junk food.  Stopping a damaging pattern on the behavioral level is often a very important first step.

 After I knew that my client had a good understanding of this concept, the more important worked started and we discussed the methods that would help her change her belief system for the better. We discussed special meditation techniques and deep healing methods, including mirror exercises, that she could implement to help her change her belief system at a pace that she was ready to.  We worked on affirmation exercises along with special exercises that would keep her grounded in the present moment, to help her gain more clarity and introspection on her actions.   

All of this combined with her being more conscious, both literally and figuratively, of the men that she was choosing and using daily positive affirmations will eventually lead her on a path to finding more healthy relationships. How? By changing the film going into the projector she would change her movie. And this movie will bring about better results, not immediately, but ultimately. 

In your own life then focus not only on changing your “movie” but the film as well.  A Course In Miracles states that we often do not know the power of our subconcious minds and that it has the power to literally “move mountains.”  If it has the power to do so, then it surely has the power to create damaging and self-defeating patterns in our little lives.    Whether it be relationships, career, self-image, finances, etc. remember to work on changing the film you are putting into the projector with your thoughts, so you can make a much better movie! Learn to use affirmations, meditation, prayer, and other healing techniques to change your emotional and thought programming.   In my upcoming blog entries, I will discuss specific ways to incorporate these techniques, and change our lives from the inside-out.  I have found the results to be amazing when we all make a commitment to get down to the serious business of healing our deepest thoughts.    I have seen clients change self-defeating patterns that they previously found unthinkable to drop.

 Good luck then on the production of your upcoming movies!  

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 If you would like to know more about how to work with Life Coach Justin Buffer on changing your film and your movie, you may contact him for a free consultation at coachbuffer@ptlcoaching.com